We are making this Gremlin Self Cannibalism website after discovering in the Intimacy Journeyer Specialty Lab 3-7 August 2022 near Warsaw, Poland, that an extremely common Survival Strategy is to give Gremlin the task of destroying ourselves.
We were shocked to discover many heretofore unrecognized Shadowworld Survival benefits can be derived from using your own Gremlin to devour yourself.
Upon further inspection, we discovered that Gremlin Self Cannibalism is far more devastating than we ever imagined, because it manifests as the financial systems, corporations, governments, even churches designed and inhabited by the unhealed, uninitiated, unconsciously-emoting human beings eating-away at life on Earth, unable to recognize that destroying life on Earth is destroying ourselves.
Why do you pull out your hair on your legs, under your arms, in your eyebrows?
Why do you pick at your skin and scabs until they bleed?
GREMLIN SELF CANNIBALISM IN THE INTELLECTUAL BODY
GREMLIN SELF CANNIBALISM IN THE EMOTIONAL BODY
GREMLIN SELF CANNIBALISM IN THE ENERGETIC BODY
GREMLIN SELF CANNIBALISM IN THE ARCHETYPAL BODY
OWNING YOUR GREMLIN SELF CANNIBALISM
Gremlin Self Cannibalism is not the problem.
Gremlin Self Cannibalism is a solution to the problem.
What is the problem?
HITTING BOTTOM - SUICIDING EARTH
SOME NOTES FROM A MAN WITH A SELF CANNIBALIZING GREMLIN
As an experiment in not being perfect, I am sharing an early draft about my discoveries in the self-canibalization strategy of my Gremlin and some of what I noticed in others. - Gremlin Self Cannibalism is probably one of Gremlin's most devious and painful strategies of keeping you dead enough to survive your childhood without being killed. - It is as torturous as the name implies. Yes, fully, viscerally, equally gruesome, painful and traumatizing. It is ongoing, meticulously deployed and cranked up whenever you approach any significant edge. The faster you are moving towards the edge the faster the Gremlin starts munching away at your lifeforce. He is creating this internal battle-field in which you are the causality. - It is the perfect trap. As the sun of your Being starts shining (parts of it consciously AND parts just below the surface, as intuitions, dream, E.C.C.O interventions) the Gremlin's black hole moves closer to it. To consume and bend the light, to twist the message, then twist it again, then double-bluff you into a loop. Just to keep the balance, the Box's allowed threshold of luminance, intimacy, love or creation. - In this strategy Gremlin is using a whole array of tactical weapons, some of the most mind-fucking ones are - the weaponization of the dialogue between parent ego state and child ego state to create a vicious cycle consuming most of our life energy and effectively destroying the most potent possibilities of expansion and individuation - example 1 - you have just used you anger to set a boundary, you saw it rising, you saw the need for boundary, you did it, a bit clumsily, using 18% anger instead of the 7% that would do well in this situation. Here it starts: - Parent|Gremlin - Persecutor: - You irresponsible child. You just destroyed your relationship. You don't get that anger thing at all. Better not use it, idiot. - Child|Gremlin - Victim (yes, he also infects the other player in this act): - I don't get it. This is what we did in trainings. It should work. It should work. I don't get it why it didn't work. I always fuck everything up. - Child|Gremlin - Rescurer - to the other person: - I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I hope I did not hurt you. I will make it up to you. - (some dialog with the other person) - Parent|Gremlin - Rescurer: - There, there. At least you apologized. You tried, it is good that you made a shift afterwards. [notice the devious trick of self-aprisal that the Gremlin is using] - Adult: - I feel fear. Something is off. I feel angry, cause I really felt angry and ... - Parent|Gremlin - Persecutor: - Cause you don't really care for other people. You are a psychopath. You just care about what you want. - Child|Gremlin - Victim: - Why would I even say something like this about myself. I keep mutilating myself. When will it stop? - Parent|Gremlin - Persecutor: - It will never stop. Cause you are a psychopath - creating stories that leave you hating yourself - have you noticed the "psychopath story" in example 1? - how about "erotoman/whore story", "worthless piece of shit story", "you are unlovable story" - how about "you are 100% Gremlin story"? - how about "the world would be better out without you story?" - how about "the world is a total shithole and nothing good will ever happen to a nobody like you story"? - how about "the relationship in which you invested for the last 12 years of your life is essentially dead and beyond repair because you rescued your partner so many times he/she does not know what a Center is anymore story"?
- There is more where that came from. The evidence does not really matter. Every shred of evidence becomes a trial. Your Gremlin both the persecuted, persecutor, judge and jury. Proposed penalty - death sentence, with a hint of hope for life-long incarceration. Yes, the Game is rigged. - Enlisting other Gremlins to corroborate the story and then blowing it out of proportion. - Using the tiniest moments of your unawareness to create precisely the smell of the drama. Then using the homeopathic principle that once this tiny drop of poop makes it's way to the water of your life it all becomes shit. Forever. Always. Since the day you were born. Until you die. Forever unclean. - You don't believe it yet? Let's make another little infraction. Blow it out of proportion. Put it on file. On the indestructible leger of your sins, debts and inadequacies. Your Gremlin basking in the glory of evidence from others, showing you how many times he has won. Then showing you the file cabinet. Filled from top to bottom. You are surely going to Hell for this. You better end your life, to preserve any dignity, to save them from suffering you. - I've known men who believed this tragi-farce. They took their own lives. - I've known women who believed this witch hunt. They took their own lives. - This is not make belief - this is war if you fight in it. - spinning the fear in your mind in an endless loop of analyzing or ideating your way out of knots that your Gremlin tied for you (guess who is providing the ideas) or feeling fear about the fact that you feel fear right now an it will definitely be harmful to your body, then punishing you for it - Child|Gremlin - Victim: - it's too much. it's too much. It's like the 5th hour that I cannot sleep. Just tossing in bed. I am going mad. - Parent|Gremlin - Persecutor: - there you go! this is what you get for dabbling in shit you don't understand! you clearly overshot your mark with this training! Thinking that you could be a mage. - This shit is bad for you! You will suffer for it. Yes you will. Definitely. - This is what you are. A sado-masochist idiot. - convincing you that you are in a loop not in the learning spiral, then punishing you for it - pre-emptively destroying opportunities of expansion - remember your Gremlin is usually a couple steps ahead of your box - by force-feeding power into the edges - you are working with anger? - let's create this massive outbreak and persecute someone more than usual, so that you will again think anger is evil and should be avoided at all cost - you are working with sexuality and taking a look at the construct of monogamy? - let's pour a truck load of sexual energy into a conversation with the first attractive woman you meet, serve you a really gruesome oversexualized dream, and then judge you as a total infidel pervert for even considering to have any sexual energy in any conversation - by starving them - you are "working" on your anger "issues"? - let's never have any effective anger in any of your conversations, cause this one time you really fucked up and got a BEEP about it, so now everything has to be NVC (non-violent communication, or so you think) and even this guy at the bar staring down your wife's cleavage for the entire evening is really a friendly gesture in disguise - you are working "with sexuality"? - let's not talk about sex with other people, be faithful even in your dreams, even if she does not mind your dreams, just in case - by oscilating between the two moves with varying intensity - sometimes just a bit of overflow or a bit of starvation is enough
- if you muster up your courage and go for your edge more fiercely? let's crank up the volume! - by dissecting any bit of feedback until it is no longer alive - so you keep dissecting instead of experimenting with the feedback and noting results - Can you now see the common denominator of many of these strategies? - It is misappropriating you reality appraisal system. - First of all you don't get to be neutral. Adults are neutral. - You get: I am an idiot instead of "Oh, it's a BEEP!" - You get: I am awesome instead of "Oh, it's a GO!" - Second you don't get to be present. Adults are present. - You get stuck interpreting your first feedback. - You get stuck interpreting your first result and waste energy course correcting, without seeing the arrow ever hit the mark. - Sometimes good spells take years to fully weave into reality. The chaos in-between, may seem like a beep, the question is who is interpreting the chaos and for what purpose. If you unconsciously change your decision based on the miss-interpretation then you are not being responsible. Beeps could be about this. - Third you do not get to not know and thus you don't get to experiment. - Judgement becomes the substitute for further experiments. - You want to win by knowing. By solving the puzzle instead of the puzzle unfolding you.
The only real way out of Gremlin Self Cannibalism is growing your Consciousness. Suicide is no answer, as nothing is learned by killing yourself, so nothing changes.
Some of the useful steps I've found so far include:
Embody the 'every story is bullshit' distinction.
Embrace feedback (it is a form of pronoia - all feedback is benevolent if decoded responsibly).
Stop letting the Parent|Gremlin infected side chose your allowed Gremlin foods so that your Gremlin starves and finds excuses for punishing you and the world for it.
Get the internalized years of the Catholic Inquisitions out of your system (try EHPs with exactly this theme).
Realize how boring and dead both the universe and Mystery would be if all Feedback could be coded into dogma, how inelegant, how derogatory, how hateful to the prospect of your evolution and thus its evolution through you.
What does Archetypal Love want? More of itself, more of You, alive, evolving, becoming.
EXPERIMENTS IN TRANSFORMING GREMLIN SELF CANNIBALISM